


Is This What It Feels Like To Heal?

by smolanxiousbeann



Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bad Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Fluff, Gen, Healing, PTSD being dealt with, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, anyways :D, author wrote this on a school night and has 20 assigments due, healing from PTSD, healing from maniuplation, i just want c!tommy to be okay, i know he hasn't actually had therapy yet but let's be real its never happening canonically, let him be happy challenge, puffy is a theapist, puffy is helping tommy, tommy goes to therapy, tommy is getting through this, tommy visits dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:35:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29645169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolanxiousbeann/pseuds/smolanxiousbeann
Summary: Tommy has to deal with Dream for eleven days. He can do it...right?
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 4
Kudos: 202
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	Is This What It Feels Like To Heal?

"Sam?!" Tommy screamed. His voice going raw. "Sam?! Sam Nook?! Someone! Please!" He cried. Panic filled Tommy's chest, tears streamed down his cheeks quietly, he was _not_ going to let Dream know he's affected. 

"No one is coming Tommy." His abuser said, annoyance filling his voice. "No one is. You _know_! It sounded like a lot of TNT, you could be stuck down here for longer if the security isn't fixed." Dream was currently sitting against the obsidian wall, one leg up, body completely relaxed but also very tense. 

Tommy swiftly wiped his tears and cleared his throat. "Shut the fuck up Dream. You know what's happening. You planned this, you _sick_ motherfucker." He said with voice cracks. Tommy never turned to see Dream, but he just knew Dream was smirking.

The boy jerked slightly, anxiety and panic finally making its way through his entire body. He could barely control the anxious tics, they were rather annoying and painful. So, he stood up, and walked closer to the lava. If he squinted, he could try and make out the part before the main cell. Tommy could smell the lava, the hot, _beautiful_ lava. The blonde sat as close as he could get to get some warmth, as his body was shivering with the chills and anxiety. He listened to the bubbling and closed his eyes, trying to forget about Dream being there. It was calm. As calm as it could be, when you're trapped in an obsidian box with someone who will not give up on trying to make you his robot. Not to mention his claustraphobia was acting up. But with the clastruphobia came a nice memory. Well, kind of nice memory.

It was Pogtopia. He was in Pogtopia again. It was the beginning days of the small nation, they were still setting everything up. Tommy kept trying to steal their resources and make it more colorful. Wilbur was playfully annoyed at him and even Techno joined in at one point. He remembers making that absolutely _stupid_ room with pistons and some redstone, and when the pistons squished together and he ducked under as to not get hit in the face. At first there was a panicked scream, even Techno was worried and grabbed his sword. But then...it was Wilbur making him laugh, and Techno laughing (something he hadn't heard in a while) and they called Philza so he could join in on the fun. Tubbo was also there at one point, laughing and joking. Eventually Wilbur and Tubbo helped Tommy out, while Techno was laughing with Phil on a call. When Tommy was fully out, he basically fell on top of Wilbur because he was so relieved to get out. Even though he was laughing, it still felt dreadful. It was one of the fond memories he had of that horrid place.

Eventually, the claustrophobia reminded him of how dark and eerie that place was. How it felt like the walls were collapsing in on him, and that's why he always had to be out hunting or doing something outdoors. 

Now that claustrophobia is reminding of him were he was now. That made him whip his eyes open and tense up. He looked around, and everywhere he looked was purple. Besides the orange. The lava...and the man in the orange jumpsuit. Anxiety jumped at him again and the boy took a shuddering breath in. 

"Looked real peaceful there for a moment Tommy." Dream said. Surprisingly, there was no edge to it, no tricks. He just sounded exhausted. Tommy wouldn't fall for it though, Puffy taught him better than that.

"Leave me alone Dream. Go back to writing those books I told you to write a while back." Dream snorted at that.

"Oh Tommy, always using humor to cope, huh? Always using humor to get away from the situation at hand. Typical." 

Tommy rolled his eyes and went to put his back against the obsidian wall closet to the lava. He stared at the orange popping substance, he knew what it felt like to be in there and not get hurt. Fire resistance potions were a great thing, especially after exile. After the lava he always went back to when Dream left for the day. Potions helped him get over his kind of longing for falling into it. Puffy helped him brew those. She taught him to overcome those feelings. She called it exposure therapy, he called it floating. 

_"Okay Tommy, could you leave everything in here for me?" Puffy pointed to a chest. "We're going on a trip to the Nether today, don't wanna accidentally burn anything you have." She reasoned._

_Tommy froze. "W-why are we going to the Nether?"_

_"Well, early you told me you had this longing for the lava, to loose your life in it. You also told me how it scares you. So, we're gonna conqure that fear. It's called exposure therapy." When Puffy glanced at him, she saw the panicked and pained look on his face. "We won't get hurt Tommy, I have plenty of fire resistance potions. I promise nothing bad will happen to either of us." She gave him a really sincere look._

_A look that made him trust her. He breathed out a shaky breath. "O-Okay." He deposited his stuff in the chest._

_They left after that. Tommy was fidgeting with his hands while trying his best to make small talk with Puffy and make her laugh as well. Making people laugh was one of the things that made him feel good, felt like he accomplished something. It was something to assure him that people don't find him useless or garbage. Puffy learned that even before she started these small therapy sessions. So she let him make those inappropriate jokes and laughed, genuinely, when she was supposed too. She also learned he was less nervous when he joked around. His hands stopped fidgeting as much and he looked relaxed. But, all good things must come to an end. Soon, they entered the Nether. They swiftly made their way down to the beginning of the big lava lake. Puffy gave Tommy an encouraging look. Tommy nodded at her with uncertainty._

__

__

_"You've got this Tommy my boy." She said with a grin, as she handed him a potion._

__

__

_Tommy smiled. They drank their potions together, giving each other a grossed out look. Tommy felt the effect take over within a minute, as it was barely hot anymore. He breathed in and out, then took Puffy's hand, as she guided him into the lake. As soon as he entered, he felt warm. Not hot. It was the type of warm where on a cold day where you just finished sledding with friends and everyone was freezing their asses off, and you finally changed into dry clothes, and had some hot cocoa while watching a movie with your family, kind of warm. He also noticed that it was heavy, but not suffocating. It felt like a bunch of blankets were piled on top of you, on that snowy day. He still floated, as did Puffy. It was nice. He kind of just sat there, playing in the lava like you would in the pool. He liked it, he was calm._

_Puffy noticed. when going back, that the blonde boy was relaxed. He also had that admirable glint of mischief in his eyes again. That was the most remarkable day._

Tommy opened, his eyes. He was calmer now, even had a small smile, thinking about all the time he spent with Puffy and Sam.

"What are you thinking about Tommy?" Dream said. He was closer now, it made Tommy uncomfortable. He wanted to escape, but this was exposure therapy he guessed, might as well make it useful.

"None of your business Dream. I am not talking to you anymore. Now move back to where you are, bitch boy." He said confidently. 

Dream was surprised. That was new. Someone was helping him. "I'm just trying to get warm Tommy, obsidian is cold as hell." He said with an innocent tone.

Tommy rolled his eyes and moved to the other wall next to the lava. _Fine, Dream can be warm, but he will_ not _be near me._ Tommy thought.

Dream smoothly moved over there. His gaze was on Tommy. The boy looked different, healthier. Instead of hunched shoulders, he held himself upright, confident. His hair was as short as it was before exile. All the scars on his hands and even his face were basically gone. His blue eyes looked brighter. Dream squinted with subtle anger. God, he was so close. So _very_ close to having Tommy under his control. The unmasked man glanced at the clock. "It's 9:00." He said gently. 

"Okay." Tommy said blandly. He then watched as Dream got up and went to his bed. Then the blond rolled his eyes when he realized he didn't have a bed. Well, wasn't the worst conditions, at least he's not cold as cold as he was in Techno's basement.

The blonde watched as the elder gently fell asleep. At first he didn't trust it, but when he stayed up for an hour longer, with exhausted eyes and a tired body, he eventually laid down, near the popping lava, and slept, praying he didn't have nightmares tonight. 

The next day went on like that. Dream dishing raw potatoes out, Tommy getting lost in his head, thinking of old memories. Dream attempting to talk to him, Tommy always rolling his eyes and staring away, staying in his head. It wasn't until the third day Tommy was stuck with him, that there was any progress. Sam had let Tommy knew via communicator that this security breach was going to take five more days. After that was sent, more TNT went off, making Tommy curl in on himself. He sung to himself, trying to keep the explosions out. It was a mix of Wilbur's lullabies and some random songs Tubbo had introduced to him over the years. The TNT went off for an hour. In that hour, Dream realized how damaged Tommy still was. 

And then the communicator dinged, and Tommy ticked some more. Sam told him another three days. Chills overtook his body, panic and adrenaline pumped through his body. Tommy got up and paced. He tried to sing himself out, tried to use those breathing mechanisms Puffy and even Wilbur taught him, but nothing was working. The blond was on the verge of tears. His mumbling got louder, and all it took for him to breakdown was a forgotten TNT explosion to really set him off. Dream watched as the boy was hardly breathing. He watched as tears streamed down his face and how he grabbed and pulled at his skin. All he did was tilt his head and squint his eyes. 

Then when Tommy eventually passed out, he dragged, the now, heavier boy to his bed. He watched as even in sleep Tommy thrashed and sweated and panted. Dream slept on the floor that night. That was fine. Anything to make Tommy trust him again.

When Tommy woke up in the bed, he jumped out and sat near the lava again. He didn't show any gratitude Dream expected, because Puffy told him not too. She told him to never give any of his abusers anything anymore. 

_"Don't show them your grateful, and they'll eventually go through a cycle. Irritation, that's the second difficult thing to deal with. Sadness, that's where you'll feel the most empathy, and you can't give into that. And then they'll show disinterest, which is really difficult, because that part, that vulnerable part of you will _strive_ to make them proud. You have to power through it." She told him. _

Tommy could see the anger in Dream, when he saw veins pop out on his wrists. He expected this. He prepared himself to just ignore it. "What? I pick you up and put you on my bed. Give up my _only_ thing that makes me comfortable and makes it bearable to live here, and you don't even say thank you?!" He says, deep anger in his voice.

Don't get Tommy wrong, he was terrified. But, fortunately, he was a fantastic actor and liar. He didn't change anything about himself, and just shrugged and rolled his eyes. When he heard footsteps walk towards him, though terrified, he made his movements unbothered and lazily glanced up into Dream's fiercely angered eyes. Dream pulled him up by the next of his shirt and pushed him against the wall. The first thing he noticed was the rotten smell Dream radiated. It was then the scar that ran across his left eye. He almost shuddered, almost. Luckily, he remembered to not show anything except bored-ness and disinterest. His lazy blue eyes challenged Dream's fierce ones.

"What?" He said tiredly.

"I know your scared Tommy. I see it every time you look away from me when I look at you. I see it when you fall asleep and thrash around. I saw it yesterday when you panicked about not being able to get out of here earlier. I _know_ you're terrified of me. It's obvious." Dream said, voice awfully strong with cutthroat anger.

"I'm really not Dream. You know, not everything is about you, you know that right. There's other things I've been through that you weren't there for." Tommy said nonchalantly. 

He saw something light up in Dream's eyes, and suddenly he couldn't breathe while slowly sliding down the wall. Dream kneed him in the stomach. He knew some sort of pain was coming, but damn not that. "What do you mean I wasn't there for everything Tommy? I was there when your country blew up those three times. I was there when Phil killed Wilbur. I was there when Techno killed Tubbo. I was there during exile. What was I _not_ there for?!"

All Tommy did was shrug and catch his breath, looking at Dream, like a cat curiously watching a mouse with no intent to kill it. He could tell he was frustrating Dream. A small bit of him loved it. A small part of him said "suck it you stupid green bitch". But that small part never came to life. He watched as Dream went and basically slammed himself down in the back wall. Tommy went back to staring at the wall, in complete disbelief that he just did that. He was so, so thankful for Puffy. He was thankful Techno and Wilbur taught him how to lie. 

The next three days were silent. Dream kept trying to offer Tommy things, sleeping in his bed, using some books to write in, even offered the small amount of water to bath himself in. Tommy refused all of it. He didn't want to owe Dream anything and it was quite clear said green man was getting fed up with Tommy for not falling for his tricks anymore. The eighth day was when the sadness part of the manipulation cycle showed itself. Tommy noticed as soon as he got up that Dream had a heavy look in his face. A heavy way of how he held himself. Tommy kept himself from feeling empathy. It was difficult.

"C'mon Tommy, I keep offering books for you to write How To Sex 3 or a cool story, and you're obviously bored, so why? Why refuse? I just want to hear the stories you have to say. I want to learn how to pick up girls like big strong man TommyInnit." So...Dream was defiantly not the best at this stage. It was easier than expected to not show empathy, if he even had some.

"Honored Dream, but no thanks." The blue eye boy said stiffly.

Dream attempted to sit closer to the boy, but Tommy always moved away. 

10 days had gone by. It was rough. Boring. Anxiety was always simmering in his chest. But he made it through. The final stage of the cycle showed itself on the last day. And Puffy was quite right when she said that vulnerable bit of him would strive dor Dream's approval.

"C'mon Tommy. Make me proud and write something for me, yeah? Don't you wanna make your friend Dream happy?" Tommy almost broke at that. He flinched, he wanted to. And, unfortunately, Dream saw. "Tommy, I _know_ you long to make me proud. Why don't you write me something? If you write well, it'll make me, your friend, so very happy." Dream's voice was _sickeningly_ sweet. And that was what reminded him that Dream was _not_ his friend. He didn't need to make _anyone_ proud. And Tommy it reminded him that he was strong. He didn't need these toxic brother like relationships because Wilbur ended up hating him. TommyInnit was about to make it through this. 

Just one more day.

After that part of the tenth day, it went by fast. Sure, his stomach rumbled, and exhaustion and anxiety creeped in his bones, but he finally made it to the eleventh day. Sam said he would be by first thing in the morning. Tommy was relieved. He was getting out of there unscathed. Hell, maybe even a little better. Sleeping felt like a long blink, in the best way. Tommy stood up and finally saw the lava curtain moving away. He stared and saw his familiar creep friend, and let out the biggest cheer. The bridge was agonizingly slow, but the pistons were fast with putting up the netherite blocks. Tears of relief and joy made their way down his cheeks, and when he stepped onto that moving bridge, he almost kissed it. He waved bye to Dream for the final time. Dream looked mad. He looked extremely pissed. He wasn't able to play with his toy anymore. Whoever was helping him was going to pay when he got out.

Tommy collapsed onto Sam as soon as the lava curtain fell. He sobbed onto his new father and his father hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry Tommy, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

"No! Well, he kicked me around a bit, but I'm fine! I...feel better. I don't feel _scared_ of him anymore. I remembered everything Puffy taught me and...it worked! He's no longer a monster, he's just a person. A terrible, maniuplative person, I can control now. _I'm_ in control, and it feels so _so_ good!" Tommy exclaimed, while Sam and him walked out. 

Sam grinned. "Be sure to let Puffy know. I can't even imagine how proud of you she'll be!" 

Tommy grinned while walking out. He couldn't believe he survived. He really thought it would be difficult, it _was_ difficult. But it's fine now. He knows what to do. He's got this. TommyInnit knows what healing is like. This is it.


End file.
